I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
