My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
