Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
