My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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