I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize