My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize