I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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