the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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