Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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