i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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