what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
