The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
These tits shall not be calmed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
