so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
