We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
