OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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