i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I use my feet as sexual weapons
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
