Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
