just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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