Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
