Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
