I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
