Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
