She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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