my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
