all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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