i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
