when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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