Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
