OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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