You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
