Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
