alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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