I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
