Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
