Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
