Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
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