sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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