To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize