I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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