When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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