So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
40s are totally the cure
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
