omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
