a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
