what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
