I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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