I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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