Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
