i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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