i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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