i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
there is glitter all over my balls
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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