I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
