Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
