I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
