dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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