he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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