i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
