we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
