Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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