I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
