I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
