So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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