well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
