some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
