You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
