you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
