Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
