Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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