Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
handjob tips. give me some.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
