please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
