I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
