The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
tequila makes me forget i have legs
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
