So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
