I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize