remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
